Rev Gav
Bodgit and Scarper, Painter and Decorators
Rev Gav wrote this sketch for his daughter Rowie and her friend to perform at the school talent show. The first draft got rejected for having too many ‘dad’ jokes, but then they performed it to great acclaim!
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’ll come and quote for a call out fee
Plus brushes and thingies and VAT
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
Ere, I had to paint this church one time
If you get my drift the paint was more ‘water than wine’
The vicar had a fit, “I’m legit!” I swore
But a voice came from heaven saying “Thin no more!”
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’re the best in the trade, top quality
You won’t find cheaper we guarantee
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
I was painting this floor with blue and red
And I worked in a circle winding up at the bed
I jumped on the mattress and sulked and fumed
Using red and blue I’d got marooned!
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’ll come and quote for a call out fee
Plus brushes and thingies and VAT
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
I used to know this cabinet maker
Got nicked by the police as a bit of a faker
They caught him posing as Prince Harry on Twitter
Cabinet maker? He was a counter fitter!
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’re the best in the trade, top quality
You won’t find cheaper we guarantee
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
Ere, I went to the Highlands to earn a packet
I put on a body warmer and a thick ski jacket
Was it cold up there in John O Groats?
No, it said on the tin to use two coats!
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’ll come and quote for a call out fee
Plus brushes and thingies and VAT
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
I once had to decorate a bathroom floor
Walls and ceiling, I’d not done it before
How’d you manage that? It’d fill me with terror
It’s easy mate – ‘tile and error’
We’re Bodgit and Scarper, me and he
We’re the best in the trade, top quality
You won’t find cheaper we guarantee
Flip, it’s time to break and have a cup of tea
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You are so clever! So creative x