Rev Gav

Mushy Peas

Social media is alive with discussions on a hot subject that is currently dividing the church — mushy peas. The Church is split broadly into two camps; those that support the Whole Pea Cause (WPC) and those in favour of mashed pulses (peas being the main type).

Feelings run high on the topic. One person recently wrote: “Mushy peas are vulgar and should be outlawed!” Still another, “Mushy peas? How insufferable!”

Professor Peabody, lecturer in biomechanics at The University of Anglia and leading proponent of the WPC, claims that, “Mushing peas is unnatural. If God had meant peas to be mashed he would have created them… er… mashed.”

It is true that there is no biblical evidence that Jesus mashed his peas but then again, there is little or no mention of peas in the Bible at all. Some interpret this omission as evidence that God is indifferent to peas – whether whole or mashed.

In a recent ‘pod’ cast, Libby Shoots from the think-tank Peos, said, “It is perfectly natural to mash peas. We know that mashing peas increases their surface area and therefore their true flavour. When you eat whole peas, you are not swallowing them whole, but mashing them in your mouth. Peas are destined to be mashed.”

Those in favour of mashing dislike the term, ‘mushing’. Alan Green has been mashing peas all his life. He says, “Mushing is a dirty term with an emphasis on the act of blending and not the end result which is all about flavour. I’m proud to be a masher.”

Revd Plateful, vicar of St. Bernard the Gardner in Axminster, emphasises the sentiment in the conservative church, “Hate the mash, love the masher,” but pea mashers everywhere still find this kind of comment offensive.

The Archbishop of Canterbury is going to have a tough job holding the two sides of the debate together. Will it be possible to reconcile two opposing factions? Mashed peas? It seems you either love them or hate them.