Rev Gav

How can I be more self-controlled?

One Sunday morning, during our church worship, we gave the young children a word-search puzzle to keep them occupied. Hidden amongst a large grid of seemingly random letters they had to search for words to do with Christianity. When it came to the point in our worship when I was to give my sermon, I stood, made my way to the pulpit, and was about to begin, when a small voice piped up at the top of her voice, “I’ve found Jesus!” In her uncontrolled outburst, she had preached a far better sermon than I, and because no more needed to be said, I quietly made my way back to my seat!

Unlike that little girl, not all uncontrolled outbursts are so timely or appropriate. We have all said things and done things we have later regretted. Lack of self-control is a human trait, and one, from which we all suffer. For some it might be the more obvious moments of weakness where we lose control; for alcohol, sex, food, or expressions of anger. But there are other areas where we can equally lack self-control, for example, gossiping, one-upmanship, poor time-management, or, as we witnessed during the pandemic, the jumping on the bandwagon of hate towards others via social media. So, how do we become more self-controlled?

Christians believe in the theory of self-betterment, that somehow we become ‘better’ people through being a Christian. In fact, the term ‘christian’ has come to mean, not someone who follows Christ, but a word used for someone who is expected to behave in a moral manner. How many times have you heard someone say of someone, “Well, that wasn’t very christian of them was it?”

But here is the paradox, because the message of self-betterment through Christianity is not as one would expect. You see, you do not become a better person by trying harder. “What?” I hear you cry! Surely, we become better people by praying more, reading our Bibles more, and going to church more? However, the truth is that we do not become more self-controlled by trying, in our own strength, to control ourselves! No. We become a better person by allowing more of God into our lives.

We read in Paul’s letter to the Galatians that, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness,” and… wait for it… “self-control”. You see, it is the work of God’s Spirit living in us that transforms us from the inside out, therefore, if we want to be more self-controlled we must open ourselves up to God’s Spirit — the Spirit of Jesus. It is the Holy Spirit inside us that makes us, over time, more like Jesus. Does it mean we will not mess up or make mistakes? No! The Christian is a work in progress but the trajectory will hopefully be in the right direction. Oh, and reading our Bibles, praying more, and going to church more, well, without the Spirit they are just going through the motions, but with the Spirit, they are like turbo boosts! So, how do you open yourself to the Spirit of God?

Opening yourself up to the Spirit of God is simple. All you have to do is ask saying something like, “Holy God, fill me with your Holy Spirit.” What prayer could be more simple? In fact, there is a line from the Lord’s Prayer that, through tradition and history, we have left out, and a few ancient manuscripts read “May your Holy Spirit come upon us and cleanse us.”

If I am honest, self-control is something I have struggled with for my whole life. Yes, I have ADHD, but that is no excuse for inappropriate impulsiveness or outbursts, yet, for many years I seemed (in the heat of an alcohol-fuelled, sexually-aroused, greedy, or angry moment) unable to make rational decisions! And, if I am truly honest, I still do, but less so since I invited God into my life to transform me from the inside out and shape me to become more like Jesus. I am still impulsive, but these days I tend to look before I jump, and when I take risks, they tend not to be at the expense of myself or others. I am, like all Christians, a work in progress.

My prayer for you today is simply that you will invite the Holy Spirit into your life, and that over time you will know the transforming power of God, that you might become more self-controlled, and become the person that God created you to be.

Amen.