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Obedience

From Lisa-Dawn Johnston

I don’t trust easily. I have spent much of my life depending on no one but myself. Decisions I made were carefully thought out and executed because I had no safety net… nowhere to go if I failed. Still don’t. So to give over trust to anyone is difficult… even God. When I do say to God, your will be done, I cry. From a mish mash of fear, relief, hope, and fledgling trust. But when I say your will be done, I also feel a weight lifted from me. And each time I turn over everything to God, my trust grows. It’s like exercising. The more I do it the stronger I get. I still argue with and question God. And to me, this is an important part of my faith- that I can question it, review it from different angles, pull it apart, be mad at God, yell at him, doubt him, challenge him ( the gall!!!) then come right back to him and curl up in his embrace. Knowing that I will be comforted, loved and accepted. Parts of me still don’t feel worthy of God’s love, but that’s when I am stepping out in faith and believing Jesus when he said all are welcome at God’s table.