Daily Bread

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honour your father and mother’— this is the first commandment with a promise: ‘so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’

And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as you obey Christ; not only while being watched, and in order to please them, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. Render service with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not to men and women, knowing that whatever good we do, we will receive the same again from the Lord, whether we are slaves or free.

And, masters, do the same to them. Stop threatening them, for you know that both of you have the same Master in heaven, and with him there is no partiality.

Last week I was asked if it was sinful to not honour one's mother and father, and the questioner cited the example where a parent had abused a child. Should a child honour abusive parents and if they did not, would that be sin? To be fair, they were trying to trap me, for if I answered 'yes' then I would be condoning abuse, and if I answered 'no' then I would be accused of breaking God's commandments.

They didn't like the answer I gave because, as you know, I define sin not as the breaking of commandments but as putting ourselves first at the expense of others and/or the environment. Therefore, based on this definition of sin, then no, it would not be sinful to not keep the commandment of honouring a parent! The parent had already dishonoured themselves.

Many of these theological and moral dilemmas come back to the fact that many of the ten commandments were general umbrella rules, and then there were a myriad of further sub-rules to deal with specific situations, and then even these sub-rules were debated at great length by rabbis and teachers. However much I wish it was the case, the ten commandments cannot be applied in all and every situation we encounter.

Because of this 'blurriness' of life, my theology is continually developing. I used to say that sin was putting ourselves first at the expense of God, others, and the world around us, but gradually I came to understand that loving God and others is the same thing (think of the new commandment Jesus gave his disciples to love one another), however I wonder if I should add ourselves into the mix such that sin is putting ourselves first at the expense of ourselves, others, and/or the environment?

In other words, switching it around, sometimes we need to put ourselves — our own needs and safety — first. If we are being abused by anyone, including a parent, then we need to get out, get away, and get help, and it is not sinful to do so!

Navigating life is difficult and messy, and there are often no easy answers to the moral and ethical problems we face. Sometimes we have to make decisions knowing someone will be hurt. Should we honour our mother and father? Yes, in a perfect world, absolutely, but the truth is that we do not live in a perfect world and the answer is 'it depends'.

There are, however some universal truths to which we can adhere, for example, that mercy trumps judgment, and that our movement should always be towards love — love for God, love for ourselves, love for others, and love for the world.

Today, as you read this passage from scripture, I pray that no 'human' interpretation will weigh you down with guilt and shame. Christ has set you free and you are God's wonderful child, and may you be both merciful and loving, just as God is.

Holy God
I know that your commandments are perfection
and that I should all strive to obey your word,
yet I also know that we all fall short.
Help me to keep loving even when I experience hate.
Help me to keep being merciful even when I am judged.
As I live and work to your praise and glory.