Rev Gav

What is sex-positivity?

FAB Church is an inclusive and affirming community — meaning we are LGBTQIA2SP+ welcoming and affirm same gender or same sex relationships, and we are also a sex-positive community, but what does this mean?

Sexuality is part of what it means to be human. We are emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical beings, and part of our physicality is our sexuality. Many churches ignore, hide, or deny human sexuality, or worse, cloud sexuality in shame by connecting sexuality with sinfulness. Whenever sex is spoken about it is often with negative connotations such as the sinfulness of ‘masturbation’ or ‘sex before marriage’, however, sex and sexuality are gifts from God, and are part of who we are. Sexuality should be recognised and celebrated in the sight of God.

It is true to say that despite sexuality being ignored, hidden, or denied in church circles, we also live in an overtly sexualised culture. It seems sex is either non-existent or in your face (no pun intended)!

In the same way that gender is diverse, sexuality and expressions of sexuality (i.e. sex) are diverse — very diverse! In fact, there is no such thing as ‘normal’ when it comes to sex or sexuality. Everyone is different and many people have ‘kinks’ — something with which you engage sexually that turns you on and makes sex more pleasurable for you and/or your partner(s) — however, it is a sad truth that many who express their sexuality outside of perceived ‘norms’ have traditionally felt excluded or rejected by the church. Some of these people are members of what we call alt-lifestyle communities. They may have specific kinks or fetishes, be part of swinger or BDSM communities, or any number of sex subcultures. They may have specific sexual identities such as asexual, bisexual, crossdresser, pansexual, heterosexual, demisexual, or sapiosexual, or have sexual ‘roles’ such as dominant, vanilla, submissive, sissy, leatherman, or masochist.

FAB Church is sex-positive and this means we welcome people of all sexualities and expressions of sex without judgment or criticism. We do not view any expression of sex sinful, accept when we put ourselves first at the expense of someone else. In other words, is our expression of sexuality non-consensually ‘hurting’ someone else either physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Saying that, we do support and journey (in confidence) with those who struggle with non-consensual adultery and for those whom their kinks have also developed into a paraphilia — a persistent and obsessive kink that leads them to take harmful risks or be tempted to engage in illegal acts. We are here to support, not to judge, and definitely not condemn!

There are more and more churches that welcome the rainbow community, but few that welcome the alt-lifestyle community, and FAB Church has a special calling and ministry to both. This means you may find a FAB Church presence at events and venues, and in online communities such as Fetlife, where we share our spiritual content and connect with other members of these communities.

We recognise that there are many ‘vanilla’ people — including partners and spouses — who are also non-judgmental and accepting of those who are ‘non-vanilla’ and you are welcome too! The whole point of FAB Church is that it is fully inclusive, non-judgmental, and a safe place for all, especially those who have been marginalised or shamed by the church because of their gender or sexuality.

Every Guest and Member of FAB has subscribed to our values that underpin our community. That does not mean we are ‘perfect’ or ‘holier than thou’. It just means we hold these things dear as we do our best to love God and love each other.

Also, feel free to reach out to Rev Gav or Helen if you would like more information or a chat. You can find FAB on Facebook, WhatsApp, Fetlife, and Bluesky, or you can email us at revgav@fab.church or helen@fab.church.